Why do I cook? Because it isn’t lonely

You don’t know much about me. You know I like to cook, and you know some of it has to do with losing my mother. I started cooking when I lost my parents.  But that isn’t everything, I mean time moves on, life moves on, and I have spent more time in the kitchen.  But it has to do with something bigger than that.

Tonight is a good example.

I’m a newlywed, and yes, I know, “kids today don’t realise marriage is hard work”. But I do know that. my husband had a long day at work and seemed to be in a bad mood so while he was on his way home I got all dressed up and made him his favourite meal (curry).  I always think food can make someone feel better. It lets you know you are cared for and looked after.

I cannot tell you the monumental disappointment on his face when he saw me all pretty and with his favourite meal.

I know food doesn’t solve problems, it was about the effort that went I to it. I cooked because I didn’t’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it better, I don’t know what’s wrong, because he is quite private, but I know he was upset and I wanted to do something for him. Something nice and something thoughtful. It didn’t help, but I didn’t know any better.

Sometimes when someone you care about is really upset, and they don’t want to talk to you about it, it can feel lonely. You are just out there, hoping you can do something to make things better. It can be lonely loving so,wine. And when I was making him dinner it wasn’t so lonely, because I was doing something to help.

Maybe I wouldn’t have done it if I knew how massively the gesture would fail. But I can’t guarantee that, because I was at least trying. When I didn’t’t know what else to do.

I cook when I am happy and I cook when I am sad.

I cook because I just get a little bit lost in life. And when I am cooking, I don’t feel alone in that.

If you are lonely in your kitchen, just think, I am probably in mine too, and we are doing something real. Something that has a result. And for a second it really matters that we are there, because whatever we are cooking needs us to be there. K

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